Burn Bag Koozie

Burn Bag Drink Koozie

Keep your beverage colder than a FOIA denial with the Classified Burn Bag Drink Koozie. Designed to look like the final resting place of highly sensitive paperwork, this koozie protects your drink with all the discretion of a windowless basement office and all the charm of a government form nobody read properly.

Perfect for backyard briefings, tailgates, office morale events, or quietly judging someone’s unsecured beverage handling procedures. Just slide in your can, crack it open, and enjoy refreshment so classified even the ice cubes are on a need-to-know basis.

Features:

Looks like a classified burn bag, minus the paperwork panic
Keeps drinks cold during long meetings, short briefings, and questionable decisions
Great gift for intel folks, military nerds, government employees, and anyone who says “per my last email” with tactical intent
Pairs well with caffeine, sarcasm, and mild operational ambiguity

Warning: Do not actually place classified material inside. It’s a koozie, not a career recovery plan.

• Made from neoprene
• Waterproof
• Dual-size customization
• Ribbed seams
• Regular 5″ × 4″ (12 × 10 cm), or slim 6.5″ × 3.2″ (17 × 8 cm)
• Spot clean as needed
• Blank product sourced from China and printed in the US

This product is made on demand. No minimums.

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!